“I used to be somebody.” Her words were faint, but I could hear the pain. Confronting her lost identity in prayer was her way of acknowledging the present and saying goodbye to the past. My heart ached for this beautiful woman of God whose perception of herself had been distorted by an orchestrated chain of events. I grieved alongside her, empathizing with her loss, yet knowing deep down that the transition was necessary. But it was time to move on. Leave the past behind. She knew this; so did I.

I am this woman.

Life is a series of transitions and some of the most profound changes come when we experience a spiritual renewal or rededication. My journey began in a puddle of tears on my living room floor four years prior. Exhausted and broken from years of selfish ambition, perfectionism, and control, I finally surrendered my life with the utterance of two words, “All in”. Those words opened the door to the transformative change I needed to fulfill the call on my life. While I expected the stretching of my renewed faith to be humbling and uncomfortable, I was ill-prepared for the extended grief that followed.

I missed the woman I once was – the confident professional at the center of attention, the one whose presence was seen and felt in the workplace. I recalled the days I stood before prominent military commanders and civilian leaders in my crisp business attire – all eyes focused on me, absorbing every word of advice I bestowed. I was esteemed. And I loved it. So did my ego. This prideful persona, however, was a barrier to my calling; the involuntary shift to an isolated, remote job at the onset of the pandemic was the solution. For four years, I was kept under wraps behind my work-from-home laptop, and while my heart underwent a divine transformation, my soul mourned the glory days.

In 1 Samuel 16:1, we find God addressing Samuel (an Israeli priest, prophet, and judge) who is mourning the fall of King Saul. Saul, once anointed by God to lead Israel, had failed to follow God’s commands, leading to his rejection as king. Samuel’s mourning was understandable; Saul had been a significant part of his life and ministry. Yet, God told Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”

God’s directive to Samuel was clear: it was time to move on. Saul’s reign was over, and a new chapter was beginning with the appointment of David as king. This transition was not just about letting go of Saul but about preparing Samuel to embrace the future.

Much like Samuel’s mourning over Saul, my grief was rooted in a sense of loss – a loss of who I used to be and the role I played. However, just as God directed Samuel to anoint David, He was also guiding me to a new phase of life, one that required letting go of my old self. The process of grieving allowed me to reflect on the changes, acknowledge the impact of my previous identity, and ultimately accept the necessity of moving forward.

As you navigate your transitions, whether they are spiritual, personal, or professional, remember that grieving is a natural part of the process. But it’s equally important to heed God’s call to move on, trusting that He has a new path and purpose for each of us. Embrace the change with faith, knowing that every end is an opportunity for a new beginning.

Scripture Reading

1 Samuel 16:1 (New International Version)

The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him s king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”

Prayer

Lord, we come to You with hearts heavy from loss. Remind us, as You did Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:1, that mourning has its season. Grant us strength to move forward, whether our grief is personal, professional, or spiritual. Guide us from sorrow to hope, showing us the new paths You’ve prepared. Help us recognize when to let go of the past and embrace Your plans. As the God of new beginnings, fill us with anticipation for the blessings ahead. May we be open to Your leading and lifted by Your promises. In Jesus’ name, Amen.